I thought i had a dentist appointment today, but i was wrong... dead wrong. I will NEVER make that mistake again. It's tomorrow.
So... i'm going to get a job. For real. In 2 weeks time i will be working, guaranteed. It will be a time for celebration, and for me to take people out for food. Change is afoot. Recently i have been dismantled, distressed, and discombobulated. No more will this be the case. There shall be a return to form, despite the fact that my original form was destroyed. A new form is emerging. Better than before. I finally finished dismantling, and can now rebuild.
I've already started. There will be set backs, there always is. This time, i will not be deterred. ...deterred... that's a funny sounding word... deterred... hehe turd... Where was i... I will not be deterred. I've got to keep moving forward. I'm gonna need help. I will need - Motivation. Inspiration. Determination. Hydration. (cause i'm gonna get thirsty.)
I will need support from my cohorts. I'm gonna need sandwiches. Lots and lots of sandwiches. High fives shall flow like the Nile, and on the flip side all the while. There will be robots with f@#ing lasers! Because there always is!! But we will fight those maniacal metal men! We will bring them to their knees, and embrace them as brothers. We will sing and laugh and recite binary together! Metaphorical binary. And before we are finished... we will look back at this day... at what we once were, and we will rejoice for the battles we faced that made us strong. For we will have at last become human... and made that something to be damn proud of! WHO'S WITH ME!!??!!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
this winter has worn me thin
A day or so ago i sat here thinking of something to write, but nothing came to mind at the time. I'm doing that again, except this time i felt like i might as well just start writing. Sometimes i feel like i have so much to say... but i don't know where to start or how to word it. It's more like feelings i can't describe swirling around inside me, and i wish i could just draw people into my head to experience the same thing. Then i imagine myself and that person just looking at each other without a word. There doesn't need to be any words. We understand completely. And that's all i want.
I often wonder if my mind just does not work the same as everyone else's.
At all.
I have thoughts that i can't even comprehend. How is that even possible? To have things going on inside your head, that you yourself can't even grasp? They're just out of reach. These are things that need to be expressed in some way, but i don't know how to format them. I think my brain's OS is an old version. I need to update. Hope it's not a hardware issue.
The academy awards were earlier. I was pleased. Some good things won. I don't think i really need to say more on this topic. You either saw them, or you didn't. If you did, there's no point in discussing unless it's in person.
This winter has worn me thin.
"I'm finished."
I often wonder if my mind just does not work the same as everyone else's.
At all.
I have thoughts that i can't even comprehend. How is that even possible? To have things going on inside your head, that you yourself can't even grasp? They're just out of reach. These are things that need to be expressed in some way, but i don't know how to format them. I think my brain's OS is an old version. I need to update. Hope it's not a hardware issue.
The academy awards were earlier. I was pleased. Some good things won. I don't think i really need to say more on this topic. You either saw them, or you didn't. If you did, there's no point in discussing unless it's in person.
This winter has worn me thin.
"I'm finished."
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Dream Recollection: Edition 1
I've already been procrastinating with this thing. Hmm... i think i'm already seeing a pattern emerge. I think the only times i'm going to be writing in this thing are when i'm procrastinating something else. For example, i should be sleeping right now. What to say... hmm... about my blog, in my mind the title is a temporary thing. In fact, a lot of the way things are set up on this page seem temporary to me. I plan on changing a lot, but this will do for now.
Ah yes! I do have a little something to write about. My dream last night. Lately i've been having all soccer related dreams, and i don't know why. But not last night! Last night, i had a good one. I don't remember all of it, but i remember some of it in great detail. Other parts are fuzzy. Forgive the poor writing, i'm tired. Here's what i recall...
It started off with me and a bunch of friends eating dinner on this very long table set up outside on a grassy hill. The table was actually on the curve of the hill with one end near the top and the other sloping down towards the bottom, yet this didn't pose any problems for us... cause it's a dream. It wasn't a lone hill. There was another hill connected to it perpendicularly, and we were near the crest of that hill as well. Somehow i knew that over the crest of that other hill, it sloped down gently a very long way into a valley. The grass on this hill was knee length blowing in the gentle breeze. The sun was just preparing to hide itself behind the mountains in the distance. There were a lot of friends there, though i can't now recall any of the faces. Most of the girls were sitting together at one end of the table, and most of the guys were sitting together more towards the top of the hill. It was a grand feast with all sorts of different foods. My memory begins as the feast was coming to an end. Many of us were feeling fat and happy as we laughed and jested with one another. Some people were still nibbling various tasty treats. I couldn't resist having just a little more to snack on, and asked one of the girls to pass me these tasty biscuit roll things. When i received the basket, i bit into one discovering that it wasn't one of the tasty biscuits i had wanted. I just laughed.
Just then someone came trotting along over our hill and warned us of an expected something approaching. I don't recall the description of what it was. The mood drastically changed. We were turned instantly into a much more serious group. Some of us were nervous. We hurried to gather all of our chairs and relocate them to the more gentle slope of the adjacent hill. We all knew what we were doing as if this was something we had been expecting but had been trying to place far from our minds. We arranged the numerous chairs in a grid much like you would see at a high school graduation. A large rectangle of chairs all facing the same direction. They faced the crest of the long grassed hill with the gentle slope into the valley on the other side. The chairs were almost arranged as the significance of our recently completed meal became apparent to me once more. It was, in essence, a final meal. A meal we all shared with the knowledge that some of us may never see each other again. How had it been so pleasant? Warm thoughts of our recent meal grew cold in unison with the leftovers, and were shaken from me as the dull sound of an army of feet marched closer. The sun had not yet set, but already the night chill began to creep in eagerly to feed upon our growing fear.
The army was nearly over the hill where we once feasted. They too came to feast, but not upon food. All our group formed a line in front of the chairs except for Ryan Barton, (one or two others i can't recall), and myself. We took one last look at the rest of our friends. They were putting their lives on the line to give our small group the chance to fight back. A decoy, and a risky one at that. We could not let them down. As the sun set, the army rose over the top of the feasting hill. Ryan and I dove into the tall grass and began to army crawl over and down the long slope into the valley. Behind the hill, and under the cover of tall grass, trees, and sparse shrubbery; Ryan and I began a long flanking motion to the right rear of the hills. There were some buildings there. They were strange, small, dark and abandoned. They looked as though they had been small medical complexes, or perhaps scientific research facilities. There was snow on the ground here. We met up with a couple other people in one of the small buildings and Ryan uncovered a satchel, reached inside to pull out several imperial blasters (like the ones you would see a stormtrooper carry in star wars). One for each of us. We were scared, but we had a plan. We began to split up and take our posts, but Ryan had changed the plan. I was to go through a different room of the building, and climb through a ventilation shaft to a low roof perch.
I set off on my path and quickly reached the room only to discover the ventilation shaft was not what we thought. It was far too small for me to fit in. I was in a panic. (this part of the dream jumped around a bit) i found a different shaft and made my way to the low roof ledge. It was lower than expected and sparse with cover. Surely the enemy would see me here. I feared for my life, but knew what i must do. (Then the army changed, initially they were kinda like stormtroopers, but not quite, but now they were something different. Darker and scarier. Kinda cyborg like, and the dream took on a sort of post apocalyptic sort of feel.)
The first enemy was in view, and hadn't seen me. I blasted him, but in the process gave away my position. I had no other choice. Soon they were all over and i was blasting them left and right. Nearly getting blasted myself. It sounds really funny now, but it was very scary and intense in the dream, and i really thought i was gonna die. Then some random small squid like thing got on my roof and starting putting it's tentacles all over me and i fought it and cut one of the tentacles off. Suddenly a familiar voice said "Stop!" and it turned out that weird creature was his pet and was kinda acting like a dog jumping all over me. I felt sort of bad i hurt his pet, but not too much cause i was in the middle of a guerrilla war. That kid was on horseback i think. He threw me a new weapon, i don't recall what it was. Then kinda told me things elsewhere were going pretty well. Not great, a few losses, but our plan was working, and then he rode off. I shot some more guys, it was intense, and then i woke up.
The feel of the dream was very cool and the scenery was amazing. Interesting dream.
You tell me what it means, i'm gonna go dream some more.
Ah yes! I do have a little something to write about. My dream last night. Lately i've been having all soccer related dreams, and i don't know why. But not last night! Last night, i had a good one. I don't remember all of it, but i remember some of it in great detail. Other parts are fuzzy. Forgive the poor writing, i'm tired. Here's what i recall...
It started off with me and a bunch of friends eating dinner on this very long table set up outside on a grassy hill. The table was actually on the curve of the hill with one end near the top and the other sloping down towards the bottom, yet this didn't pose any problems for us... cause it's a dream. It wasn't a lone hill. There was another hill connected to it perpendicularly, and we were near the crest of that hill as well. Somehow i knew that over the crest of that other hill, it sloped down gently a very long way into a valley. The grass on this hill was knee length blowing in the gentle breeze. The sun was just preparing to hide itself behind the mountains in the distance. There were a lot of friends there, though i can't now recall any of the faces. Most of the girls were sitting together at one end of the table, and most of the guys were sitting together more towards the top of the hill. It was a grand feast with all sorts of different foods. My memory begins as the feast was coming to an end. Many of us were feeling fat and happy as we laughed and jested with one another. Some people were still nibbling various tasty treats. I couldn't resist having just a little more to snack on, and asked one of the girls to pass me these tasty biscuit roll things. When i received the basket, i bit into one discovering that it wasn't one of the tasty biscuits i had wanted. I just laughed.
Just then someone came trotting along over our hill and warned us of an expected something approaching. I don't recall the description of what it was. The mood drastically changed. We were turned instantly into a much more serious group. Some of us were nervous. We hurried to gather all of our chairs and relocate them to the more gentle slope of the adjacent hill. We all knew what we were doing as if this was something we had been expecting but had been trying to place far from our minds. We arranged the numerous chairs in a grid much like you would see at a high school graduation. A large rectangle of chairs all facing the same direction. They faced the crest of the long grassed hill with the gentle slope into the valley on the other side. The chairs were almost arranged as the significance of our recently completed meal became apparent to me once more. It was, in essence, a final meal. A meal we all shared with the knowledge that some of us may never see each other again. How had it been so pleasant? Warm thoughts of our recent meal grew cold in unison with the leftovers, and were shaken from me as the dull sound of an army of feet marched closer. The sun had not yet set, but already the night chill began to creep in eagerly to feed upon our growing fear.
The army was nearly over the hill where we once feasted. They too came to feast, but not upon food. All our group formed a line in front of the chairs except for Ryan Barton, (one or two others i can't recall), and myself. We took one last look at the rest of our friends. They were putting their lives on the line to give our small group the chance to fight back. A decoy, and a risky one at that. We could not let them down. As the sun set, the army rose over the top of the feasting hill. Ryan and I dove into the tall grass and began to army crawl over and down the long slope into the valley. Behind the hill, and under the cover of tall grass, trees, and sparse shrubbery; Ryan and I began a long flanking motion to the right rear of the hills. There were some buildings there. They were strange, small, dark and abandoned. They looked as though they had been small medical complexes, or perhaps scientific research facilities. There was snow on the ground here. We met up with a couple other people in one of the small buildings and Ryan uncovered a satchel, reached inside to pull out several imperial blasters (like the ones you would see a stormtrooper carry in star wars). One for each of us. We were scared, but we had a plan. We began to split up and take our posts, but Ryan had changed the plan. I was to go through a different room of the building, and climb through a ventilation shaft to a low roof perch.
I set off on my path and quickly reached the room only to discover the ventilation shaft was not what we thought. It was far too small for me to fit in. I was in a panic. (this part of the dream jumped around a bit) i found a different shaft and made my way to the low roof ledge. It was lower than expected and sparse with cover. Surely the enemy would see me here. I feared for my life, but knew what i must do. (Then the army changed, initially they were kinda like stormtroopers, but not quite, but now they were something different. Darker and scarier. Kinda cyborg like, and the dream took on a sort of post apocalyptic sort of feel.)
The first enemy was in view, and hadn't seen me. I blasted him, but in the process gave away my position. I had no other choice. Soon they were all over and i was blasting them left and right. Nearly getting blasted myself. It sounds really funny now, but it was very scary and intense in the dream, and i really thought i was gonna die. Then some random small squid like thing got on my roof and starting putting it's tentacles all over me and i fought it and cut one of the tentacles off. Suddenly a familiar voice said "Stop!" and it turned out that weird creature was his pet and was kinda acting like a dog jumping all over me. I felt sort of bad i hurt his pet, but not too much cause i was in the middle of a guerrilla war. That kid was on horseback i think. He threw me a new weapon, i don't recall what it was. Then kinda told me things elsewhere were going pretty well. Not great, a few losses, but our plan was working, and then he rode off. I shot some more guys, it was intense, and then i woke up.
The feel of the dream was very cool and the scenery was amazing. Interesting dream.
You tell me what it means, i'm gonna go dream some more.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Minimal Souvenirs: the origin story of my blog (abridged)
This is my blog. It wasn't always here. How did it come to be you ask? Why start a blog? Come closer, and i will whisper a whimsical tale in your ear like a humble hobo. It's the tale of how this blog came to be. Told by the very man who wrought it forth with nimble fingers and able mind. It's abridged, so here we go.
I've known about blogs for quite some time, but i'd never really wanted one. I never really felt i needed one. So why start now? Change is inevitable? Change is probable. What changed? Why am i asking these ridiculous questions?
... I don't know...
Here's what happened in its simplest form. A friend of mine spoke to me of the lure of blogs... and i was intrigued. I had further fictitious conversations with him in my mind concerning blogs, and he spoke of them as if they were drugs. These fictitious conversations amused me slightly in an absurd comical sense, though not enough to be considered for effectuation. I have many of these fictitious mental conversations with various people. They're pretty much a daily occurrence. Call me crazy. No really... Go ahead, get it out of your system... Good? OK. As i was again made aware of the frequency of these strange conversations that i simulate in my mind, it occurred to me that it might be interesting to write about. But where to write it? Ah yes... that brings us full circle. Blog.
I'd like to say that the focus of this blog will be specifically on my mentally simulated conversations, and the effect this mental quirk has on relationships, decision making, sanity, etc. However, i know that won't be the case. I'm sure the end result of this blog will inevitably be just a collection of random thoughts.
So... if you're looking for some insight into the intricacies of my mind, well... this will have to do. Good luck.
I've known about blogs for quite some time, but i'd never really wanted one. I never really felt i needed one. So why start now? Change is inevitable? Change is probable. What changed? Why am i asking these ridiculous questions?
... I don't know...
Here's what happened in its simplest form. A friend of mine spoke to me of the lure of blogs... and i was intrigued. I had further fictitious conversations with him in my mind concerning blogs, and he spoke of them as if they were drugs. These fictitious conversations amused me slightly in an absurd comical sense, though not enough to be considered for effectuation. I have many of these fictitious mental conversations with various people. They're pretty much a daily occurrence. Call me crazy. No really... Go ahead, get it out of your system... Good? OK. As i was again made aware of the frequency of these strange conversations that i simulate in my mind, it occurred to me that it might be interesting to write about. But where to write it? Ah yes... that brings us full circle. Blog.
I'd like to say that the focus of this blog will be specifically on my mentally simulated conversations, and the effect this mental quirk has on relationships, decision making, sanity, etc. However, i know that won't be the case. I'm sure the end result of this blog will inevitably be just a collection of random thoughts.
So... if you're looking for some insight into the intricacies of my mind, well... this will have to do. Good luck.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
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